Put your own mask on first

I chose the title of this post with the understanding that the phrase could be taken several different ways. Much could be said about the masks we all wear to some degree in public. Perhaps you, dear reader, immediately began thinking about your own mask, and how it might differ from "the real you". That would be an interesting road to go down, but not the one I will travel today.

I began the day as I usually do, by getting up and coming downstairs to the kitchen. My son was sleeping as usual on the sofa. He is supposed to go to work today, and needs help to get going, so I automatically went to the coffee maker to prepare a cup of coffee for him; then the phrase "put your own mask on first" came unbidden into my head. Any air traveler has heard this phrase many times; during the safety instruction before flight, when the flight attendant addresses an oxygen emergency: "Masks will descend; please affix your own mask before placing masks on those in your care" or words to that effect. I realized that I needed a cup of coffee as much as he did, and fixed my cup first.

When we care for others, it is tempting to forget ourselves, or forgo our own comfort, and focus on the needs of the other, especially when the needs are great. But by neglecting to care for ourselves first, we make ourselves vulnerable to depletion by exhaustion, lack of nutrition, lack of proper exercise, lack of spiritual self-care. We are as much in need of compassion and care as those we care for. Self-compassion is not a sign of narcissism; it is vital for caregivers, and indeed anyone who has relationships that need cultivating and tending, to stay healthy so that we may extend that compassion to others. If we become too selfless, we lose ourselves, and that doesn't help anyone. By exercising self-compassion, by putting our own masks on first, we can maintain the strength and composure that we need to meet the challenges we face.